Got excited about getting a message but it was spam :(

tastefullyoffensive:

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I asked my brother that once

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digatisdi:

When I was in preschool there was this really weird system of time-out where they’d put you in this giant plastic bucket sort of like this one:

And the rule was you couldn’t leave the bucket for ten minutes.

In case you didn’t know, I was what the teachers referred to as a “difficult child” which is code for “walking entity of sass” so I was in the time-out bucket quite a bit.

Once they put me in the bucket for thirty minutes— and I thought that was incredibly unfair so I grabbed the handles and shifted my body repeatedly until the bucket and I were out of the classroom, in the hallway, and through the front door. They found me in the parking lot scooting to freedom in the time-out bucket. The teachers were furious and I said, “Hey, I never left the bucket”

So they called my mum and told her what I did and she just said, “Well, he never left the bucket.”

heyfunniest:

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allheliabreaksloose:

endofunctor:

“No, it’s all right,” she whispered back, knowing exactly what he meant before he’d even clarified. “I can do this—watch.”

With a wave and push of her wrist, she directed his seminal fluid out from inside her. He watched, fascinated, as she bent it away from them and out the window of his bedroom.

A yell from below.

“NO! MY CABBAGES!”

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